Dare To Lose Yourself
by dekinut
Summary: Clay x Hiead x Zero, Yamagi x Sawamura fic. Complete
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own Hiead, Zero or any of these characters, ok? But if I did, then that's just fine. XD   
Dare To Lose Yourself Hiead X Zero 

Zero was miraculously exhausted. He just got off from his first training. It was so odd of him though, that he decided to go out and watch the stars than to go to bed. To him, the sparkle of the infinite number of stars and the shades of limitless sapphire aided his stress. He didn't want to go to bed at once anyway, cause the person he hates the most is in the room. Hiead slept early, plainly worn out from the practices they had.

"Damn, that jerk. He's such a show off." Zero said in such a loud voice. If someone had been walking along the hall, then that someone could have thought that Zero was talking to himself. In short, he looked dumb.

'_Why the hell do I hate Hiead? Why do I even care if shows off when I know that I can beat his sorry ass? He's not the best anyway. I would be a much better pilot than him. Even if he had EX...' _He thought and smiled like some dumb ass weirdo would.

For a few minutes, Zero snapped suddenly "I bet he's asleep by now!"

"Sleeping jerk! Sleeping JERK! SLEEPING JERK!" He repeated for like several times. He hopped around like some jocund bunny.

"Ehh, Zero... Aren't you going to get some sleep??" Clay scratched his head and yawned.

"Err... Nope. I'm not yet sleepy! Sleeping jerk's in there too! I don't want to be with that sleeping jerk!!!" Zero shouted as if he owned GOA.

"Tone down a bit, will ya? Everyone's like hitting sheep already! I can't understand why your energy never shrinks. I am going to bed... So if you're not planning to sleep, then let ME sleep!" Clay mumbled and walked in.

Mr. Intructor, Azuma shows up and overhears Clay and Zero.

"Candidate 89, come here. You'll be sleeping with candidate 85." The instructor ordered.

"EHHH?! What about me???" Zero's jaw dropped exaggeratedly on the floor.

"You? Well, I guess if candidate 87's asleep then you don't get to talk to anyone and fall asleep as well. G'night." Before Zero could even complain, there was no trace of Clay or Azuma.

This only means that he's going to sleep with Hiead. With Hiead alone and only with Hiead.

**Zero's POV**

Why did it have to be Hiead? This is so not fair. SONOTFAIR! I mean, who knows what that psychotic guy's thinking? What if he suddenly pounces over me and stabs me with a dagger.

"Ah!" I abruptly barked. How could I have forgotten that I have to sleep early for the training tomorrow!

So then, this means that I had no choice. I had to open that door, step in, lay in my bed and sleep. It sounds simple, but god knows what's going to happen the whole night. I hope I would still be able to wake-up for tomorrow morning's practice.

First, I slowly opened the door and avoided making any sound.

Hiead suddenly rolled in his bed to shift positions. I froze and waited for the right time to execute my next move. Noticing that Hiead was perfectly in dreamland, I walked in.

I did it!

The last two things left, is to lay in my bed and sleep.

I sat down the edge of my bed. My hands roamed in search of my pillow.

...

What the-?

My pillow was nowhere to be found. I looked under the thin board of my bed. I looked around, still no sign of my pillow. How can I sleep without a pillow?!

...

I scratched my head furiously.

Where is-?

Oh no. This can't be.

MY PILLOW IS CAUGHT IN HIEAD'S ARMS. Waaa-h!

Talk about suicide. If I get the pillow from him, I'm sure he's going to wake up and punch me in the face. Bah! I could always dodge, right? What was worrying me was if we start a fight, we both might not be able to sleep early and none of us can attend the practice.

This sucks.

All I have to do now is sleep without a pillow. I lazily picked my blanket and quietly folded it so I can use it as my pillow. I carefully laid my head over the pretend pillow I made. Turning my back at the sleeping Hiead, I closed my eyes... hoping I could sleep with a blanket as my pillow.

'Aren't you gonna get this from me?' a soft whisper came.

My eyes grew wide. Was Hiead awake all this time? And was he pertaining to the pillow? I know now! He wanted me to get the pillow from him so he can start a crappy fight and prove that he's boss. Nice move, but it won't work on me. I'll just act as if I **am** asleep and I didn't hear anything.

'Zero... Don't even think that I'd believe that you're already sleeping.' Hiead whispered once again but this time his hands strolled around my bed, then next thing I knew was his hand was playfully touching my back. Hiead crawled near me. I felt so tense about his actions. He was freaking me out.

'You can't fool me.' He lustfully licked my earlobe.

I couldn't take much of it anymore. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING??"

"Are you stupid? I just licked your earlobe. Hello?" He sneered.

"That's not my point! Are you being psychotic again? WHY WOULD YOU EVEN LICK MY EARLOBE?! You don't have the right!" I said, showing my intense feeling of disgust and anger.

"Oh? Who has the right? Clay?"

"No!"

"Ah! Could be Kizna, or Yamagi or Roose." He teased me. It was really annoying.

"NO! NO AND NO!!!" I uncontrollably yelled. He was getting into my veins.

"Then, that leaves only one person... and that's me. I have the right." Hiead's hand started caressing my face. I instantly slapped his hand off.

"Don't you even dare do that again or I will--"

"You will what?"

"I'll kick your sorry ass off this room."

He laughed. It pissed me off, really. "Like you could, huh?"

"I COULD!" I stood up and pounced over him. Luckily, I didn't have a dagger. I pinned him on his bed, making sure that he couldn't move.

When I gazed at his face, he was grinning at me. What the hell was he smiling for?! That annoying twit. Grrr... "What?!"

"You're devilishly angelic."

"Shut up!"

"Do me."

"Do what to you? Kill you? Sure."

"Before you could even do that, I'd want you to—" Not again. He was touching my face again. "If you slap my hand away, then I could freely move. That's going to be pretty much your regret once you get off me," he continued teasing me.

His fingers trailed down my cheeks, tenderly moving their way to my lips. I could've bitten his fingers off. I didn't though. My body won't let me harm him. I was somewhat enjoying his soft touch against my skin. I was so not Zero-like. Why was I permitting him to do what he wants? Damn.

He stretched his head up to reach my lips. I stared at him in complexity. As the distance between our lips disappeared, my eyes closed subconsciously. His tongue hostilely warred against mine. Surprisingly, my tongue also started to explore the sweetness of his mouth. He broke the kiss and he planted a rampage of kisses on my neck. My eyes were still closed, as if I was trying to feel him. I was even pulling him close.

This is not normal.

Not normal!

Not normal!!!

I immediately pulled myself off him.

"Wrong move." He swooped off on top of me. "Too bad, you're the one who's pinned down now."

"Let me go!"

"Don't shout at me. Well, it's not like I'd free you if you ask nicely."

"I said LET ME GO!"

Hiead straddled over my legs. His weight wasn't any greater than mine. I know I can somehow shove him off me. Though, that wasn't possible anymore when I saw his hand revealing a rope.

"What are you going to do with that?!"

"I'll tie you up, of course."

"You can't! You won't! I won't let you!"

"I can. I would. I don't care if you'd let me or not."

He did tie me up. How am I to escape him now? "YOU'RE SO DAMN PSYCHOTIC! AAAHHRGGH!" I roared at him. He simply eyed me as he fixed the rope tight up my wrists.

I forcefully tried to pull my hands off the rope. "Stop that. You'll just hurt yourself."

"Like you care if I get hurt!!!" I constantly shrugged the rope hoping it'll come off. He was right, I was hurting myself. The wild movements I made only caused scratches on my wrists. It didn't hinder me from moving more though, I continued to struggle myself off Hiead's bed. Crimson stained the bed sheets. It signaled me to stop. It hurt so badly.

"Done with your idiotic moves?" He stared at me and his eyes reflected much of worry. I'm not sure though. Why would he worry about me anyway? This is his fault in the first place.

"Shut up and untie this shit!"

Hiead didn't say a word. He simply –did- untie the rope. I wasn't expecting him to, but thank goodness, he did.

"Don't move."

"I'm outta here!" I tried to get up. How silly of me to do though, I know I can't escape him.

He leaned his head on my chest. I flinched. He was so unpredictable. Why is he doing this?

He then reached for my left hand. I was supposed to pull it away, but I didn't. The bruises were extremely painful. Slowly, his tongue flicked out of his half opened lips. He passionately licked the blood on my wrists. I shivered as pain and pleasure twisted under my nerves. Sweat was dripping all over my skin.

"S...stop. Please stop..." I simply muttered.

He started undressing me as if he didn't hear my pleas. He trailed numerous light kisses on my chest, my chin until he reached my lips. "How can I stop when I haven't even started?"

"Let me go and I'll show you what HARDCORE IS!" What the hell was I saying?!

He laughed evilly. "Go ahead, you sexy harlot." Hiead slid off me, lied down and took off his undies. "Show me what you can do."

I was dumbstruck by what he did and by what **I** did! I desired to prove myself to him! But this isn't the best way to prove myself, is it?! My hand nervously traced his length. He just watched my moves.

"You're shivering? Are you some sort of vibrator, or something?" He irritably said.

"Shut up and watch! Or even moan!" I can't believe this. I feel so stupid for saying such things.

I mischievously licked his crotch, tasting the liquid from it. As much as he tried to prevent himself from moaning, he couldn't. He had to admit that I was good!

"Mhhmm..." He let out a seductive moan. He was... well, cute. With his eyes closed like that and his lips gasping for breath, what else could be sexier than that?

I stopped then moved slowly up to kiss him. I licked my lips and began working his tongue out. I began to thrust my body against his. After that, I broke the kiss and panted.

"You were great, I should say. But I know I'm better than you in any aspect... specially SEXUAL part of it." Hiead naughtily said. I simply giggled at the strong emphasis on the word 'sexual.'

"We should always learn to accept defeat, ne?" I winked at him.

"Ha-ha! I'll show you next time. For now, we should sleep." He grabbed his clothes and put them on as I did likewise.

"G'night."

"Hnn..."

A not so normal night passed.

Not so normal yet so perfect.

Tbc?

Author's notes: Well, if this fic is good, then I'd continue it. Is it? Is it?


	2. Sexy Naughty Bitchy Me

Author's notes: Am I supposed to write a sequel for my fic? Oh well. I wrote it anyway so.. On with the fic!

Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy Me Zero's POV 

I gently rubbed my eyes and stretched my arms. I lazily picked the clock up just to discover that two minutes from now, the training would start.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" I rushed to the bathroom and had a ten-second shower then brushed my teeth and headed straight to the location where the trainings were held.

I ran around, staring at my watch...

And seconds counted... 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5...

"OH NO!!!!" I yelled like a madman along the halls of GOA.

"4, 3, 2, 1?" I bumped onto a familiar person. He helped me up. Blinking, I looked at him.

...

"Hiead? We're late! What are you doing here?!" I eyed him.

"Yes, we are actually fifteen minutes late."

"Whaaaa-?! My watch disagrees!!!" With a struck of worry I checked my watch to give surety to what Hiead said.

"I changed the time for the clock in our room and obviously, your watch as well."

For the moment I was dumbstruck then next thing was... my usual shouting routine "WHAT THE HELLLLLLLL?!"

"I just thought that training's going to be boring. That's because I don't get to fight you."

"BUT I WANT TO ATTEND THE TRAINING!!!"

"Why? Cause you want to see Clay run away from you in the battlefield? Are you seduced by his running ability?" He firmly said with the I'm-serious-about-what-just-said tone equipped with it.

"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO INVOLVE CLAY INTO THIS??"

"Cause I think you guys have some sort of –relationship-?"

I can't help but laugh at what he said. "Like... What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Why the certain interest on fighting Clay?"

"I'm not interested in FIGHTING Clay. I'm interested about my training! I'd even want to fight you on that battlefield!"

He grinned again. He grabbed my left arm and headed straight back to our room. Then he raised his left hand and pointed directly to the bed. "That battle field?" He looked at me and smirked.

I turned red and looked away. "Horny shit."

"You're cute when you're like that." His usual teasing came along with the tight grip on my arm.

"Shut the hell up and let me go." I was still looking the opposite direction where I'm sure that I can't see his evil grins. As he continued to tug my arm to him, I didn't move. It somehow signaled that I would NEVER give in to his sensual moves again. We both just sat on my bed.

"Now, now... You shouldn't say that. I mean... Now that I'm beginning to like you."

He never joked that way. But by some means, I liked it. It was nice. Yet I still have to pretend that I didn't. After all, we're rivals, right? "Cut the crap," I said in an irritated pitch.

"It was a joke. You lack humor."

"As if you'd ever laugh if I told you that I liked you."

"Probably I wouldn't. I'd simply-"

"Simply what? Punch me or kick me all of a sudden?"

"No. I'd probably give you a hot wet kiss."

I couldn't think of something to say. My mouth opened yet there wasn't any sound. His eyes were heavily focused on the actions that my lips make. One of his fingers brushed lightly over my lips.

"Stop that." I turned to look at him with anger.

"Don't look at me that way."

"Don't touch me."

"Don't don't don't... Whatever. Just stay put and let ME do the loving."

"You know how to love? Now that's something new."

"I may not know but I could always experiment."

"Experiment? And the results come up with lust."

"Lust isn't that bad. We both enjoy it anyway."

"Am NOT enjoying any of your gigs."

"Really? Then how could I have easily dragged you here? You could've fought me on our way. You're NOT THAT weak, I presume."

"..." He was right. I did want to be dragged. I did want to be with him. Or... Did I? He's not special, is he? I'm not supposed to be happy when he's doing this, right?

"Why the sudden silence? Can't accept the truth? Or is it that you don't know what the truth is?"

"Why won't you just leave me the fuck alone."

"Truth... Let me see... Hrm..."

He just don't know when to shut his goddamn mouth. It did piss me off because he knows the truth... Because he knew that I didn't know the truth... Damn. My hands began to shiver in extreme annoyance. Hiead noticed this and let my arm go.

"I'd leave then. If you don't want me here."

He was testing me. He managed to walk a few steps from me. His eyes were closed as if he was in dismay.

My hands reached for him in remorse. "Wait..."

A smile marked his lips and from the silvery strands of hair on his face revealed his beautiful scarlet eyes. I can't be attracted to him. But I sure was. The mere fact that I let him hold me, touch me or even fuck me is enough to prove that his beauty in one way or another captivated me. Who could resist those wonderful eyes, those soft strands of hair, his smooth porcelain-like skin and the sexy curves of his body? I sure can't. I wonder if he's well... attracted to me too. I mean... He could've done this to Clay or even to Roose. I bet Roose couldn't run or be persistent cause he fears Hiead.

Without a word, he kneeled behind me and slowly undressed me. Wrapping his arms around mine, he placed kisses going down to my spine. My eyes voluntarily closed as I gave out soft moans of pleasure.

"You'd have to experience this eight times." He whispered lasciviously.

I fidgeted and put a hand on his cheeks. "Eight?"

"Yeah. That's because your number is eighty eight."

I chuckled. "Ooh-ok."

He crept in front of me and leaned me over the bedplate. His hands pulled my pants down and I reflexively helped him by kicking them off. This exposed my flesh. Hiead positioned his cheek over my crotch.

My fingers ran through the short silver locks that laid down my navel.

"Why are we doing this?" I asked him.

He didn't answer. All he did was move his tongue up my bare skin. Random moans came out of my lips. I'd moan out his name. I'd moan for him to do it harder. I don't know what was up with me and my behavior towards Hiead's games. I didn't understand nor do I want to. For now, I'd be contented with Hiead's gentleness.

The clock surprised me with its loud alarm.

"There goes our time."

"Huh?"

"We have to cut our session for this afternoon and reserve it for the next night." He took my pants from the ground and handed it to me.

I put them on just in time for Clay's sudden appearance from the door. We didn't lock the door.

"GAAAAAH! Stupid!!! You're so stupid!!!" I shouted with hues of pink on my face.

"Are you pertaining to me?" Clay innocently asked.

"Waaaaah!" I cried out loud.

"Huh?"

"I think he was pertaining to ME." Hiead walked off. "Next time, you should have the initiative to lock the door." He closed the door behind us.

"What was going on in here? Why do you guys have to lock the door?"

"Nothing! Bah!"

"Oooh. I guess you guys were trying to!!! Wha-!"

"It's not what you're thinking."

"What am I thinking?" Clay fixed his glasses with his middle finger.

"I don't know. What were you thinking?"

"You guys were planning to kill each other?"

I gleefully pat Clay in the shoulder. "How smart of you. That's right!"

With that I hopped away. Leaving Clay with a seemingly puzzled look on his face.

Until when can I hide my secret experiences with Hiead?

Tbc.


	3. The Sign

Author's Notes: Ok, so I got hooked on writing. Sorry? oo;

The Sign 

Zero walked along the corridors so early in the morning, making sure that he's the first to attend the practice.

"Ha-ha! I'm sure I'd be the first one to arrive there." Zero evilly laughed as he walked towards the door to the training hall.

The candidate opened the door with a loud "Bwahahaha!" to go with his cheerful aura. He then opened his eyes and to his surprise, everyone was staring at him.

"Candidate 88, three seconds late, huh? That's an improvement. An improvement that still causes deduction for your evaluation." Azuma scolded.

"WHAAA! But my watch says that I'm ten minutes earlier than the assigned time... How come—"

"Better get new batteries for that watch."

Zero slapped his face with his hand "What could be wrong..Whatcouldbewrong?" He took off his watch and observed it carefully.

"Stop wasting time and get to your position." The instructor ordered coldly.

"Yeah yeah."

"4, 3, 2, 1?" Hiead uttered with a playful tone.

"IT'S YOU AGAIN!!!" Zero held Hiead on his colar. Hiead slapped Zero's hand off.

"Calm down, Zero." Clay worriedly whispered as he held Zero down.

"Clay, give him a kiss to calm him down." Hiead walked back to his position.

"Huh? What was that?" Clay raised an eyebrow.

"Shut up or I'll ban you three from training."

"Eh??" Zero pouted then preceded to his original position.

"4...3...2...1..." Hiead continued to tease Zero.

"YOU SHUT UP!!!"

"What was that, 88? Kindly repeat that." Azuma gazed at the candidate with his eyes reflecting so much anger.

"N...Nothing." Zero replied.

"You are not to attend the training for two days."

"B... But..." Zero said in defeat.

"He said 'YOU SHUT UP!' I guess..." Interrupting the conversation, Hiead mocked Zero's statement.

"Both of you are not to attend the training for two days." Azuma pulled the two candidates out.

Zero's POV 

"Great. Now what?" I hate it when he causes trouble. That Hiead. Just when I thought that I was beginning to like him, he comes up with a reason for me to hate him.

"Don't worry. I'd be going to bed today. Not in the mood, I believe."

'Not in the mood' Hell, he speaks as if I'd always let him do it to me. "Do what you want just stay away from me."

"Hnn..." He paced away from me and continued to our room.

Roose suddenly approaches me. Gasping for breath, if I may add. "Zero-kun! Matte!"

"What's up, Sawamura? Aren't you supposed to be in the training hall?"

"I was late. I can't find Yamagi anywhere... Have you seen him?"

"Well, yeah. You know him, always in time...unlike me who actually thought that I was early."

"Errr...?"

"I got kicked out of the room for being stupid." I laughed.

Roose scratched his head and shyly said, "I woke up late."

I gave him a pat in the shoulder. "That's just normal! Since we're not allowed to attend then we might as well nourish ourselves with the cafeteria's mouth-watering stuff." Sarcasm ruled over my words. The food in the cafeteria wasn't even fit to be called 'food.' The taste is indescribable. Or should I say that it didn't have taste at all.

"Ok."

With that, Roose and I proceeded to the cafeteria. We walked and passed by a few latecomers. As we did, a crazy question pops out of head. "How do you know when you've found the right person for you?"

"Huh?" Roose blushed.

"Well... You should know. I mean..." I playfully poked his chest.

Roose shyly blinked at me. He was so cute. It was good that he lost some of his fat. "Ya-Ma-Gi!" I teased him around.

"Uh... Well... I... Don't... Well..." Roose was red all over. He stared ahead and stammered timidly.

"Come on."

"I... I don't really know. I just...well... I asked for signs."

"Signs? Like how does that work?" I asked with curiosity. Signs? I wasn't expecting that. What does he mean by 'signs?'

"Uh... Well... I asked for sign... Like... If someone would offer me a candy which is so not possible, then he's the one."

"What? Then Yamagi did... Right?"

"Yeah... I don't know where he got it but... I guess it works. Plus, he's nice and all..." I saw a smile from Roose's lips. He looked cute. I'm not attracted to him or anything. I just envy his youthful nature. Lucky bastard Yamagi.

"Oh... It may be simple but that's destiny, I presume!" I winked.

Roose gazed at me with an inquisitive look on his face, "Why were you asking such things? Are you in doubt or is there somebody... uh well... If you don't mind me asking..."

"Ah well... Yeah..." I giggled.

"Oh..."

"I need to think of a good sign."

"You should think of something that's not really possible. Of course, if this person fulfills the sign then... That person is the one."

"Help me think! Help me think!"

"Uh... I don't know..."

What kind of sign is not possible? Hrm... Hiead does impossible things... What could be more not possible than impossible? ARGHGHH...

...

I stopped to think for a few seconds more...

"AH-HAH! I GOT IT!" I raised my thumb and my teeth sparkles!

"Good for you."

"PornPornPorn! I bet he won't watch such things... Cause he thinks that he's an expert!!!"

Roose almost fainted. He was perfectly red!!! RedRedRed all over. Everyone in the cafeteria turned to look at me.

Ok... So that wasn't really a good thing to shout out. How dumb of me.

I ran off to our room.

I pushed the door open.

"Can you at least keep the door shut? I'm quite busy here." Hiead demanded.

"Uhhh" A loud sound came.

What the hell was that? Moans? Was he raping other candidates besides me?

"Uh... Ohhh!" That sound again...

I kept my mouth shut.

"Ooohhh!!" and again...

By the time that my curiosity began to overcome me, I already stepped forward to see what it was.

"Whaaa?"

"Shh..."

"What's that?!"

"A Video clip from that forbidden data file entitled GOA scandal. Well... I accidentally downloaded it so I might as well watch it. Care to watch it with me?" HHe naughtily said.

WAS THAT... WAS THAT?? Was that actually some sort of porn video clip!!! Oh my!!! The sign. The sign!

I rushed to him and pounced over him.

"Ow." He rubbed his head. "What was that for?"

"Nothing. Let's just watch and learn, shall we?"

Tbc.


	4. Flavor of the Month

Author's notes: Sorry about the typos in the last two fics that I just uploaded. I was too tired to check my grammar or even my spelling. Sorry infinity times. AND!!! To my one and only reader, thank you for reading my fic. Thanks so much. –Tears of Joy- And sorry again cause this fic is going to be short.

Flavor of The Month

The ban for the two candidates was put to an end. 88 was so sure that his watch was working just fine. He cheerfully greeted the other candidates who were passing by.

Zero's POV 

At last! I can experience full stimulating fights! I actually already HAD experiences last night, the other night before. I stopped when I remembered the weeks that had passed. It was so... well... so action-packed. I giggled like a fool would. I was daydreaming about Hiead again. I know it's not right but I still enjoy each night that I stayed with him. With him in bed. We even did it in the bathroom. Clay almost saw us. As expected, he didn't lock the door again. As if he's doing it on purpose...that dumbass and his naughty games. He loves it when someone busts in and we have to pretend that nothing's going on.

He's a weirdo.

A horny weirdo, to be exact.

No wait... He's a sexy horny weirdo.

So I like weirdoes then? Ha-ha.

"Zero?" Someone called me but because I was to busy about thinking of Hiead I failed to give a reply.

"Zero-kun??" Another voice came.

"Oi Zero!" And another.

"Wake up, asshole." Ah. This is when I snap out of my hallucinations and come up with a good comeback.

"Don't call me names cause If there's a person who perfectly fits the word asshole... Then that's you!" I grinned at him. He simply eyed me and went on to the cafeteria. Clay followed him for some unknown reason.

"What's up with the daydreaming, huh?" Yamagi curiously asked.

I pushed Sawamura to Yamagi. "Nothing... I'll just have to go ahead so I can leave you two alone... You know... Hehehe..." I playfully teased and walked inches away.

"Zerooo... Wha-??" Yamagi grabbed my shirt. "You're not going anywhere."

"Ah! I know! You go ahead of us and buy Sawamura-chan some candy, huh?" I said dancing goofily around.

Yamagi raised an eyebrow. Sawamura blushed and looked down the ground.

"And why should I buy him candy when he already have his candy..." Yamagi smiled as if emphasizing something. Our eyes met then we both looked at Sawamura.

"Nani?" Sawamura blinked in confusion.

"You go tell Sawamura-chan while I get some meal... or poison uhh... Food." I walked a few steps ahead hearing Yamagi whisper 'Sex and candy' on Sawamura's ear... which makes Roose's face turn pink.

It was Cute. Really really cute. I envy the two of them. I was wondering if... well... Hiead could become sweet like Yamagi. I could only dream of that and it would never come true. All Hiead knows is to piss the hell out of me and make out with his hot sex appeal. That's not the point though... Why else would he be doing those things to me if it not for his untamable libido. He doesn't love me. He just wants pleasure! Could I have wanted the same thing from him too? This can't be. I should be normal. I should want LOVE from him... not sex.

I was on my way to the cafeteria when I remembered something. I forgot to keep that chip containing that porn clip that Hiead downloaded. Damn.

I ran back to the room. The door was half opened. I heard moans from behind the door. It was a familiar tone. It didn't sound like those guys in the porn clip. Could it be that he downloaded another porn clip? That sex maniac! I grunted and went in.

...

_Was that Clay?_

...

_I went out at once. It WAS Clay and he's... _

...

_With Hiead._

_I couldn't say a word. I left the room feeling a bit hurt. _

_Hurt?_

_For what reason am I hurt?_

_I can't be jealous... Or... Am I??_

_I love him._

_And he's just playing with my feelings._

I went to the training room with a sad face. I can't pretend to be happy. I can't.

Tbc.


	5. With Bitter Utterance

Author's notes: Long time noooooooo update. Sorry. Just got home from my final exam. Xc;   
With Bitter Utterance   
  
Hiead's POV 

I had to pretend that I didn't see him that I didn't have any regrets when I did it to him nor when I decided to do it to _others_. I could have done a threesome with Yamagi and Sawamura. Haha... Naughty. But I have to admit that I really have this distinct joy of seeing Zero's defeat. The twist of sadness and anger in his expressions made me laugh to myself. I'd be ecstatic once I see him cry. Overly ecstatic, if I may add.

Pushing myself deeper into Clay was sort of... well... Not so fun. I guess I was just having this "adjustment." Another thing was, Clay kept on fixing his eyeglasses. It annoyed me... a lot. But in any case, it still sufficed my sexual need.

Clay's eyes were very much different from Zero. I'm not comparing vision-wise... What I mean is... Zero's stare, the glimmer in his eyes were... I don't know... Nice? I couldn't have thought in a million years that I would actually call him NICE. I hate him. He's a show-off, a pea brain and soon, a loser. I can't believe that at this moment in time, I'm gonna praise him and compare his eyes to Clay. Very peculiar of me indeed.

I tried to make Clay cry or at least see him moan in pain but I failed. But by the time I buried myself deeper and deeper into him... Ahaha! I got it. He bounced a bit from the bed.

"Ow! Shiiiiit!!!"

I smirked and went on.

"Uhhh!!"

I raised an eyebrow at him which meant 'I won't stop'

"...H...H...Hiead!!"

I stopped. It was unlikely of me to, but I suddenly decided to stop. It reminded me of something. Zero. He moaned that way on the sixth night that we were making love. I froze. The evil grin on my face disappeared. Clay just panted and crawled off the bed to get his clothes from the floor.

Clay dressed up and headed for the door. He looked back and I gave him a piercing look, which left the bed empty and the door shut.

What was happening to me?

My hands covered my face as I tried to think what was going on. I was confused. I had never been confused in my whole life. I never ever even thought of entering the state of confusion for such a stupid reason. Just because of that candidate, I'm all gloomy and stuff. All of a sudden I feel the sense of belongingness when he's around.

What the shit was going on?

Am I nuts?

I can't be. He's just... DRIVING ME NUTS! It's his fault! His fault!

My hands slid through the strands of my hair. This feeling was unfamiliar to me. I was having a headache and I feel guilt for no reason.

I can't be guilty because of him too!!!

Anger. Lust. Joy. Love? Pain... and now, guilt? Mixed emotions invaded me. I punched the cabinet. I didn't care whose cabinet it was but I did punch it with brute force. It caused a few things to fall over.

This is all because of Zero. All because of that show-off, pea brain... And before I could utter another word, the person concerned came in. The veins in my tightly clenched fists popped out. I grabbed him by the collar.

"Loser!" I was too carried away by my emotions that I didn't even notice his face. He simply eyed me. The same glitter in his eyes met mine. I let him go. He went ahead and picked up the things that dropped off the cabinet.

"Isn't it enough that you ruined me?" He said softly as he arranged the things back into the shelves of the cabinet.

Ruined? He's the one being ruined... BY ME??!! Is he serious?! He WAS the one ruining ME!

Without looking at him, I asked him, "What the hell are you saying? Are you telling me that you didn't enjoy any of the eight nights we spent together IN BED?" I managed to give out a malevolent smile.

"I did."

...

...

I could say anything further. I wouldn't think that he'd admit that. After all, he's like me... Pride-driven and egotistical.

"Not only that..." He turned to look at me, his voice breaking. I looked at him.

He was... in tears. I can't believe it.

But wait...

I wasn't happy.

I felt...

Hurt.

Why?

"I loved you and I still do. I don't know why. This is so not like me." He fell down and hid his face from me.

This was even more CONFUSING. Why is he saying such things? Is he fooling me? I didn't plan to play with his feelings; all I wanted was to prove that I'm better than him. That's all.

I sat down over the disarrayed bed sheets. And after a few minutes of silence, Zero moved slowly and threw himself to me. A few tears came down his cheeks, which saturated over my shirt. Trying to ignore him, I looked away.

"Hiead, please... pretend."

Pretend? "What?" I firmly said.

"Just at least pretend." More tears came down his face. I felt each tear that dropped instantly on my shirt.

"Pretend to what?" What was he trying to tell me?

"Pretend that you love me."

His words shocked me. His tears shocked me, his confession shocked this and me plead for love almost killed me. He was telling me to love him? Was he trying to emphasize that I don't know how to love? I for once, never knew how to love but is he pointing out that it's my weakness?

I don't have any weakness.

I am the best.

I am perfect.

"Get off me." I said with a harsh tone.

"Please?"

"The feeling is never gonna be mutual. I don't love you. I hate you. You're a stupid loser for falling for me. I can't believe your ass. You're such a pea brain." I said so many things that I shouldn't have.

He let go and ran off crying as he whispered, 'Insensitive...'

I was mean and I am absolutely insensitive. I felt hurt when I saw him leave.

His eyes were in hues of pain.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Tbc.


	6. Sweet Sorrow

Sweet Sorrow

For a few weeks, the candidates seemed normal. The only thing that was pointing out abnormality was the distance that Zero and Hiead were making apart from each other. For the other candidates, it was usual to see Zero punching Hiead, Hiead trying to dodge from Zero's attacks and to see Zero and Hiead quarreling over petty stuff.

But now, all that was left of Zero was silence. His happy-go-lucky nature was blown away by the wind. Zero turned from go-getter to a member of the silent brigade. Clay, Yamagi and Sawamura tried to talk to him. He did speak. But it was just of simple Yeah, Nu-uh and Iunno's.

On the other hand, they need not ask why Hiead was being quiet... because after all, he was ALWAYS quiet. He didn't talk. His glances could tell everything. Even though, Hiead was being typical, it was rather obvious that somehow he's having problems of some sort that he wouldn't even dare to share with anyone. He'd prefer to solve those problems by himself. Plus, no one dared to come to him and confront him about his personal troubles. Doing that is like a simple way of saying "I'm gonna kill myself today."

..............

The practice ends and it was the signal for candidates to proceed to the cafeteria for lunch. As Clay and Yamagi walked ahead, Sawamura decided to wait for Zero. Zero weakly walked along the corridors. A multitude of candidates had already walked passed him because of his sluggishness.

"Zero-kun!" Sawamura called out and hopped to Zero.

"Oi." Zero looked on the ground rather than his friend's face.

"What's been bothering you? You seem..." Sawamura tried to chase a few good words that would be less offending.

"Different?" Zero toyed his shirt and looked up at Sawamura.

"Well... Yeah..."

"I'll never feel right until next week... or maybe even until forever. I don't know, it depends on this certain person."

"You mean..." Sawamura waited for the crowd to get to the cafeteria and finally uttered "Hiead?"

The silence lengthened for at least a minute before Zero could say his answer... which was of pure denial. "How can it be Hiead? Not Hiead. No way."

"Eh? But then... Well... Kizna?"

"No."

"Uhm... I'll just shut up. I shouldn't have been guessing anyway." Sawamura tugged over Zero's arm. "Cheer up." He smiled and the other did likewise.

In the cafeteria, Clay, Yamagi, Sawamura and Zero had their share or treats. Zero was well... semi-energetic. That was a big thanks to Sawamura. If not for his inspirational 'cheer up' quote then Zero could have been silent the whole period of lunch.

Sawamura though, noticed Zero's habitual staring over the secluded spot at the right side of their table. He remembered that it was where Hiead used to eat. As Zero did, entwined emotions crossed his face. He was sad, and yet happy that somehow he didn't get to see the person who would surely hurt him.

"I'll be going on ahead. See ya, guys." Zero stood up and carried his tray. He deposited the empty tray and headed off to his room for a rest or some time for thinking.

'Everything's different now... Me... Hiead... We're far apart... Even our rooms... I don't know if I should be happy about that.' Zero talked to himself as he stepped across one room then to the other.

'I should forget him. If I'm a loser then he is too.' He smiled and walked on... But then, stopped.

...

...

"And what is it that you're smiling for?"

The person leaning his back over the walls of the corridor was none other than Hiead. Zero intended to ignore him.

He stepped forward

"Trying to ignore me?"

...

And stepped a few paces more.

"Trying to ignore the chance I am giving you?"

...

Zero stopped and turned to glance at the other candidate. He wanted to know what Hiead was hinting at. "Chance?"

"Yes. Another chance." Hiead nodded with a blank expression in his face.

"A chance to be fucked and be fucked? Thanks but no thanks, Mr. Horny. I didn't confess my love for you just to be your plaything! I'm tired. So tried of your jokes." Zero said blatantly with his anger obviously seen by the other boy.

"And I wish I was joking cause I'm not. I am giving you a chance... to be with me."

"To be with you?" Zero asked, seemingly confused.

"To be with me. To love me and all that."

"Don't make me laugh! I don't plan to JUST love you without getting anything in return. You're sickening." He looked back to where he was originally facing and wiped the tears that spilled over his cheeks. "Such an annoying whore. That's what you are."

"Isn't that what you wanted?! Isn't that supposed to be the thing that could make you... Happy again?"

"And now you want me to be happy? Come on, Hiead! You don't know what love is and you'll never know what it is cause you suck." Zero punched the wall.

"Yes. I do." Hiead was unsure of his thoughts. He barely stared at Zero's expressions. He hoped that if he could get Zero to be with him, he'd figure out what was wrong.

"Stop it, Hiead!"

"I..."

"I SAID STOP IT!!!"

"What's wrong with you? You confuse me." Hiead grabbed the other's wrist.

"No, I don't! YOU confuse me! YOU make me cry at night. YOU ruined my life. YOU are better than me, I admit. Cause YOU are good at fooling others, which is something that I am not good at!" Zero wiped his tears with his free hand and pulled his other hand off Hiead's grip.

"Wait."

"Shut up." Zero stormed to his room and locked the door.

Hiead made a few taps on the door.

"CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE?!"

"I would. Just tell me why the hell are you crying."

"Are you being stupid?!!!" Zero banged the door in fury. He ignored the tears that stained his face.

"No. Being inquisitive, I guess."

"Fuck you!!! Go bite your tongue and die!" The brunette fell onto his knees and cried.

"I'm not going to say sorry. I'm leaving, and don't thank me because I know you're not thankful. You want me. But I don't know why's that. If you could just explain, then I would stay... with you." Hiead left.

'Shitty asshole...' Zero whispered.

Tbc.

Late update again. ; I'm too busy about school stuff, I guess. Gomen Gomen!


	7. Mutual Kind of Love

Mutual Kind Of Love 

In the room, Zero started arguing with himself. Arguing whether to open the door and knock on Hiead's door or to just stay in his room and just get some rest.

'I am not going to knock on his door. Not not not!!!' Zero thought to himself.

"I want to, but still can't. If I do, I'd end up as a stuck-up loser. I should just leave Hiead alone for him to realize that he can never learn how to love cause he's such a hopeless case."

'Wait a minute...' Zero snapped and stood up. 'A hopeless case can still become hopeful.'

The candidate delivered a light punch on his head. "Wait!!! What am I saying?!"

'_That you're giving Hiead a chance?_' One of his inner senses answered for the confused boy.

'_One wrong move and you'll end up crying again._' Another one said.

"That's right! I won't let him do that to me again!"

'_But you want him to, right?_'

"Yeah but... He'll hurt me."

'_Hurt him then_.'

"Huh?" Zero shook his head. "I can't..."

'_Just show him that you can never be manipulated by him again._'

"Yeah. But... How do I do that?" Zero scratched his head. "Arggghh.."

'_Make him fall for you then leave him._'

"He's not gonna fall for me. He thinks I'm a loser."

'_If a hopeless case can become hopeful, what more can a loser become?_'

Zero smiled and slowly went towards the door.

As he opened the door, Hiead revealed himself to Zero.

"Hiead!" Zero said in surprise.

"So you finally decided, huh?" Hiead said with a sudden kindness in his tone, which he couldn't explain.

Zero closed his eyes and simply leaned his head over Hiead's chest. "I couldn't help it..."

"So you're taking the chance I am giving you?" Hiead reached his left arm to pull Zero closer to him.

"Unn..."

Hiead looked up. "That's... great."

Hiead slowly set his gaze upon the other boy. Zero looked up at him and their eyes met.

"Could you..." Hiead was nervous. Zero could tell by just looking at his partner's eyes.

"What?"

"Kiss me?"

Zero blushed. He didn't have to say 'yes.' All he did was draw himself close to him and kissed him. To Zero, it was his first real kiss from Hiead. He was satisfied of just being able to make Hiead kiss him back. Hiead shyly wrapped his arms around Zero.

As their lips parted, Zero smiled "I won't forget to lock the room this time." He reminded.

"Is it time to inseminate already?" Hiead shrugged.

"You and your sex-infested mind." Zero turned his back at Hiead, crossed his arms and gave a few taps on the floor with his foot.

"Kidding." Hiead hugged Zero from behind. The other candidate blushed.

"Bah."

"Too sensitive aren't we? I guess I'm just going to reserve stuff for tomorrow then." Hiead let his lover go and unlocked the door.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna tell them that—"

Zero blushed brighter. "YOU CAN'T!!!!"

"Let me finish first. I'm going to tell Mr. Azuma that I want to go back to my original room." Hiead smiled. It was also Zero's first time to actually see Hiead smile.

He stared at Hiead for a long time.

"What?" Hiead questioned.

"That smile suits you."

Hiead shrugged. "I never smiled before and I don't plan to see myself doing it. I think it's crazy."

"It's not! Trust me! It's cute. Smiling is a good thing!" Zero bounced over to his lover and gave him a cutey-cutey wink.

"I don't have to."

At this, Zero pouted, "Can't you trust at least one person?"

"And you said smiling was a good thing..." Hiead playfully gave a few pats over Zero's head.

As an initial reaction to Hiead's statement, Zero smiled.

"Now that's what I call cute."

"Am I?" Zero wanted to hear it straightly from Hiead.

"No."

"Hmph!"

"Cause you're beautiful."

Pink brushed over Zero's face. He heard it from him all right.

"Well, I'll be going to the instructor's room. Ja!"

"Ja ne!"

With that, Hiead left Zero alone in his room.

'_Don't get a hang of it. You should remember that you are to leave him soon..._'

"Do I have to fool him?" Zero asked himself as he stared at Hiead's fading shadow.

Tbc.

Please don't ask me what a cutey-cutey wink is. ;


	8. Locked In Someone's Heart

**Locked In Someone's Heart**

Zero and Hiead stayed in one room, ate in the same table and slept in one bed. These were the other candidates' observation for the past few weeks. Clay would fall over each time he sees Hiead wiping off the sweat from Zero's face with his handkerchief. Yamagi would scratch his head when he sees Hiead giving Zero a piggyback ride to their room. And as for Sawamura, he'd merely great the two as they pass by—holding each others hand, even.

It was after the training when Yamagi had a chance to confront the two.

"OOOOK, let me get this straight! What's wrong with you guys?" Yamagi directly stopped over to eye Hiead.

"So much for ruining my normal image. Zero, answer his question." Hiead stood up and collected the two trays and proceeded to the counter.

"Uh well..."

"Huh?! One time you guys fight and now this... It's getting kind of weird, Zero." The candidate showed his nosy side.

"Don't you think it was much better of me and Hiead to be... well... like this?"

"Yeah. GOA became a lot more quiescent. But I still don't get how—"

Hiead pulled Zero's hand from being rested in the table. "Yamagi, bye. Zero and I are to come back to our room. You know, for some fun."

"Fun? What **fun?**" Yamagi raised an eyebrow at Hiead.

Approaching from behind, Sawamura greeted the circle of candidates. "Hey, everyone!" He said, with a smile on his face.

"Sawamura." Hiead called.

Sawamura turned to answer him with his eyes blinking. "Eh?"

"What do you think of when I say fun and you're with Yamagi?"

Zero giggled at Hiead's naughtiness. Yamagi's jaw exaggerately dropped down the floor. Sawamura, on the other hand turned red. Even if he's innocent looking he still knows how to read between the lines.

"Hey, Hiead! If you meant **that**, you didn't have to ask Sawamura about it. He's innocent!" Yamagi stomped his feet and pulled the blushing Sawamura away. "Go and have YOUR fun!"

"Hahaha!!!" Hiead laughed.

Zero looked at Hiead. 'He's actually laughing... Like a normal person would.' He thought and smiled.

For a moment, Hiead stopped. "Can you stop staring at me like that?"

"Since when was staring a bad thing?"

"Since now." Hiead carried Zero in his arms.

"Heeey!!! Put me down, Hiead! This is embarrassing!!" Zero looked around. Seeing a few candidates fixing their eyes on them, he blushed a bit.

"Ah, shut up." With his arms tightly holding Zero up, Hiead walked directly to the room.

To end the long wait for 'fun', Hiead gently laid his lover down the bed. Before he could even do his stuff, he took advantage of his time with Zero by simply crawling over him and putting his full gaze at his lover's features. Zero's face was a such a wonderful spectacle to him. Hiead brushed the strands that covered Zero's eyes. Those eyes that had Hiead's defenses melt like ice cream being exposed to heat.

Next thing he saw was Zero's pinkish cheeks. "Kawaii."

"Eh?" Zero's cheeks were red all over.

But what attracted Hiead the most was Zero's half-opened lips. Hiead's fingers delicately ran over Zero's seemingly unblemished lips. He just couldn't resist Zero's lips. He had to taste them--again.

"Hiead, you forgot to---"

Hiead laid a finger on his lover's lips. "Shh. It doesn't matter. Everyone knows it."

The distance between their lips slowly narrowed. Hiead wasn't planning on being too nice to Zero. His tongue, in fact, was a bit harsh. But for Zero, it was just one of Hiead's normal severities. After all, pain was Hiead's friend. He knew Hiead would introduce pain sooner or later. Hiead's moves were what Zero had expected. Except for one thing, Hiead's gentle grip over his waist. If he were really into introducing pain, he'd be pulling Zero forcibly to him. But he didn't and it, somehow, surprised Zero.

Before their lips parted, Zero opened his eyes. He saw Hiead's face. Sincerity was reflected upon his closed eyes. Something was changed about Hiead, which left Zero giving his complete love and trust to him.

"I'm not afraid to tell you this again... I love you, Hiead."

Silence wondered around the well-lit room. Zero felt nervous. No reply would actually mean 'I don't feel the same.' He looked down, a bit upset for not getting his love returned.

"Zero Enna."

Still looking down, Zero's eyes widened. He was called by his full name. What does that mean?

"I love you too."

Tears dared to fall down Zero's cheeks. He couldn't believe hearing those words from the most cold-hearted person he met in his life. He couldn't believe that the most cold-hearted person would turn out to be the sweetest person he had ever met. A smile marked his face as he tried to wipe the tears away.

Hiead reached out and held Zero's hand to his. "I may not know what love is, but I strongly believe that this is it."

Zero looked up and hugged Hiead. It was hard for him to cease the tears from falling. He idly tried to wipe the tears off his face.

"Thank you."

"Stop crying. Crying cannot be described as 'fun.' If somebody comes barging in our room and sees you crying, we might get separate rooms again. Do you want that?"

"No."

"AND Yamagi might accuse me for torturing you or bullying you. I don't want that."

"Hiead."

"Hn?" Hiead ruffled Zero's hair causing the coffee brown locks fall down his face.

"Could you lock the door, please?"

"For what reason?"

"I want to know what fun is." Zero winked.

Hiead regained his kinky smile. "Aa."

The night was worth remembering for Zero. Hiead was surprisingly gentle. Zero didn't have to fool him because he'd only fool himself. He loved Hiead and he couldn't do anything that would ruin his blissful relationship with him.

"Aishiteru, Hiead. Aishiteru zutto..." Zero whispered to his sleeping partner's ear.

Tbc.

**Author's notes: From a single reader to three, wow... O -tears of joy- **


	9. Dilapidated Heart

Dilapidated Heart 

After taking his last sip of milk, Zero placed his glass over the small cabinet near their bed and sat near the sleeping Hiead. As much as he wanted to touch Hiead's face, he chooses not to. He didn't want to bother Hiead. After all, he knew how tired Hiead was after their FUN last night.

Zero decided to just go out of the room to perhaps, stretch his arms and legs. When he turned around, he saw Sawamura hopping happily out of his room.

"Oi, Zero-kun!" Again came Sawamura's usual greeting.

"Hey, Roose. What's with the genki-genki hop?" Zero teasingly asked Sawamura as if he's clueless.

"Uh well... Yamagi was kind of sweet last night." Sawamura looked down and blushed.

"O---h? Sweet, eh? In what sense was he sweet?" Zero was a bit curious. Whatever Sawamura says, he still can't see the image of sweetness in Yamagi. But it made him giggle to remember that Hiead never had this image too yet he finds Hiead sweet for some reason that he couldn't work out.

"He gave me this." Blushing, the candidate shyly showed his left hand to Zero.

It was a silver bangle that was clasped on his hand. Hues of envy clouded up Zero's mind. But he knew that Sawamura deserved that. From this, Zero proved that Yamagi was indeed sweet.

"What's the occasion?"

"That's the sugary thing, Zero-kun! There's no reason for him to give me this." Sawamura started playing the silver piece that was around his wrist.

"Oh didn't you give him fun last night? Isn't that his way of saying 'thanks for the experience, it rocked'?" Zero put both his arms in his back and walked around the other boy with his eyes subsequently blinking.

"Uh well. I'm not that good and..."

Zero bounced and pinched Sawamura's cheek. "Ahaha! You don't have to be good in moaning, right?"

"Huh? Zero-kun..." Sawamura turned red as usual.

Continuously, Zero lightly poked Sawamura's cheek. "Ahihi. Plus, you're cute to begin with so Yamagi has a reason to be thankful."

It was again the smile that Sawamura had that made Zero think that Yamagi really loved the boy. "Arigatou, Zero-kun."

Yamagi suddenly pops out of Sawamura's room. "Yo yo yo!"

"Oi, Yamagi. Or should I say Syrupy Sugar-coated Yamagi with a cherry on top?" Zero teased and gave Yamagi a pat on the shoulder.

When Yamagi looked at his lover, Sawamura only smiled innocently.

"What's up with that the silly nickname?" Yamagi scratched his head vigorously.

"Ahahahaha. Nothing." Zero whistled innocently as he grabbed Sawamura's wrist and waved it over to Yamagi's face.

"Ah. That... Well, I gave him that for three good reasons."

"Oh? Kindly enumerate... and Sawamura, listen carefully." Zero said, assuming that Yamagi is to say things that could make Sawamura's cheeks all rosy-like.

"One, because I want to." Yamagi raised his index finger as if to emphasize how smart his statements were.

Zero didn't seem to like the first reason. He kicked Yamagi's foot. "What kind of reason is that?"

"Hey, but that's reason number one. And number two is—"

"That better be good or I'll steal Sawamura away from you."

"Like Hiead'll permit you to, no? But anyway, the second reason is because the bracelet was on sale."

One of Zero's veins seemed to want to burst. "WHAT THE HELL!!!"

"What?" Yamagi was in the brink of confusion over Zero's actions.

"WHAT KIND OF REASON IS THAT?! THAT WASN'T EVEN CLOSE TO GOOD!!! THAT'S THE WORST REASON I EVER HEARD OF!!!" For a moment, Zero decided to shut up and turn his gaze on Sawamura who seems to be a bit hurt about the first two reasons.

At this, Zero shaked Sawamura. "Hey!!!!"

"Huh?" Sawamura gave out a forced smile.

"Ahem! Let me finish. The third reason is—"

"I am not listening to that. Good bye. C'mon, Sawamura. Let's eat breakfast before I give your lover a kick in his ass." Zero pulled Sawamura with him. The two walked passed Yamagi.

"Because I love him." Yamagi continued.

Sawamura looked back at Yamagi. "I love you too, Yamagi. Arigatou."

"GOOD JOB, YAMAGI! 100 points for you!" Zero beamed.

"I'm serious about that. Eat well, Sawamura." Yamagi leaned back against the wall and waved his hand.

"Hai..."

As Zero watched the two, he remembered the same sweetness of Hiead's tone each time he calls out 'Zero'. Compared to Yamagi, Hiead may not be that blatant about his feelings but he'd simply show it by actions. Actions that Zero never imagined Hiead would do for him. It was a complete change of heart for Hiead... and the immediate cause--Zero.

The two had breakfast together and talked about their 'nightly fun.'

On the other hand, Yamagi stretched his arms and thought of going to the practice grounds. He wanted to watch the last few matches before they were already allowed to fight in the real battlefield, outside Zion.

"Oh shit! How could I have forgot!" Yamagi went to his room and for a few minutes came back, bumping over Hiead.

"Ouch." Hiead firmly said, sounding as if he wasn't really hurt.

"Oi, Hiead!"

"Hey. Where are you going?"

"The training hall."

"I'll come with you." Hiead eyed the chip that Yamagi was about to place in his pocket. "What's that?"

"Ah this?" Yamagi pulled Hiead closed and whispered 'You know the camera recorder in each room? This is the memory chip in it. I'm gonna edit it.'

"Why for?"

'YOU KNOW!!! Keyword-Fun! If somebody finds out about this, I may not be able to become a pilot. I might be locked in some gay ward.' Yamagi explained sounding logically serious.

"Is there going to be a check for that today?"

'Yeah! It's a monthly check. So go and get the memory chip in yours and Zero's room already!' Yamagi's whisper came loud at each word.

"Ok." Hiead didn't really care if someone knew, but he cared much for his pilot-to-be career and he's not gonna drop it just because of a memory chip that can be edited for safety. He took the memory chip and walked along with Yamagi. "So shouldn't we edit this first?"

"I guess so."

The two continued on to the computer room where they were to edit the chip's contents.

As Yamagi did, Hiead inserted the chip in the port of the computer. He freely browsed on each event that had happened between him and Zero. Though it was a bit hard for him to just delete all these memories, he had to. But of course, he found a way to copy all the contents to another chip, which he labeled carefully to avoid confusion. As for the memory chip in the room, he proceeded on editing the details.

For a moment, he stopped the automatic command. He remembered the time when he and Zero were put to separate rooms. Zero stayed in the same room. He checked what was going on with Zero during that time. There he saw Zero, crying all the time and looking on the spot where he used to stay. From that, he believed Zero's uncontainable love for him. After browsing over the same event, he pressed the forward button. The next data was the day when Hiead decided to give Zero his next chance yet Zero locked himself in his room.

After watching this, Hiead deleted everything in the chip and stood up.

"Oi, are you done already? That was fast. Did you really--?" Yamagi curiously wondered over Hiead's piercing facial expression.

"Yeah. I'll just put this back in the room." Hiead banged the door.

'Huh? What's with him?' Yamagi was confused but then decided to look back on the data in the chip. He abruptly smiles evilly when he sees Sawamura's seductive moves over the computer screen. He wiped off his drool and immediately came back to editing the chip.

......

.....

"Ja, Zero-kun! It was fun talking to you. Guess Hiead's looking for you by now!" Sawamura merrily waved his hand at Zero.

"Hehe. You too! See ya, later!" Zero was too busy over saying goodbye to his friend that he didn't notice Hiead, who was waiting for him from behind. "Hiead!" He leaped up to his lover. Hiead just looked at him out of the corner of his eyes.

"Hiead?" Zero blinked at him.

Hiead let silence flutter over the scene before he harshly pulled Zero in the room.

"Itaiii!! Hiead, what's wrong with you?!" Zero was surprised about Hiead's attitude.

Hiead let Zero go and pulled out the chip from his pocket. He plugged the chip in the TV set and waited for it to load.

And the TV answered Zero's perplexity. He saw himself uttering the words 'Do I have to fool him' He remembered this event. His plans of deceiving Hiead were evidently seen in the screen.

Hiead pushed Zero over the bed. He held both Zero's wrists tightly. He made sure that Zero –was- hurt. Even though Zero wasn't struggling to pull away, Hiead would continuously bang Zero over the bed with his full force. He pinned him down and arched over him and kissed him. Blood and tears mixed trailing down Zero's neck.

"Now, you tell me what is wrong!" Hiead aggressively squeezed Zero's wrists tighter.

Zero could only try to keep the pain to himself and cry. He couldn't speak nor dare to look at Hiead.

"For one moment back then, I never thought you'd... Fuck you! Fuck you, Zero!" Hiead let the boy go.

"I'm so sorry... So Sorry, Hiead. I didn't---"

"Shut the hell up!" Hiead was too furious that he didn't notice that his own lips were bleeding.

Zero crawled over and hugged Hiead from behind. "Please..." He didn't mind the tears or the blood that stained his face. He didn't want Hiead to leave him. He had him and can't take to lose him.

Hiead shook his head and instantly kicked Zero off him. This caused Zero to bump over the bed. Hiead walked out of the room, leaving Zero unconscious and emotionally hurt inside.

Tbc.

Zero fans out there, I didn't really want to be THAT mean to Zero but... that's how the story goes. Sorry. -;; Next chapter's going to be the last so watch out!

Bonn, where the hell is my review?!

Don't ask me what a genki-genki hop is!!!


	10. Dare to Lose Yourself

Dare To Lose Yourself 

Hiead was back to his normal self. He was hostile to everyone and he didn't trust anyone because of the fear of being betrayed again. The great manifestation over his anger at Zero was remarkably seen by every candidate at GOA. No one though, dared to ask Hiead why. Each time Zero tried to approach Hiead, he would only get cold answers or no answer at all. Zero was obviously hurt by this. His eyes could prove this. His eyes were always distended due to his tears that seemed to never stop falling down from his eyes. Zero didn't have the mood to talk about what happened. He always tried to ease the pain, hoping that it'll stop.

His sorrow over his failed relationship had to stop. It had to, specially now, because he had to engage in serious trainings for him to be able to get good results for the test run of the Pro-Ings. If not, then he couldn't become a pilot.

Clay, Sawamura, Yamagi and the others tried to cheer him up but it was of no use. Zero's training results were going down the drain. Hiead didn't even care about what had been happening to his ex-lover. No matter how much his heart wants to be near Zero, his pride wouldn't let him. For a conclusion, Zero was hopeless about getting Hiead back.

Kizna, Zero's technician talked to him. Zero had an answer for her questions but that would only be yes, no, I don't know. Kizna had to condition Zero for the next test run. She knew how important that test run was for Zero. It was a test run out of Zion, after all. And good results would mean that Zero could possibly a pilot someday.

"Zero!!! Arghhh!!!" Kizna slapped Zero in the face.

"Ow!!! What was that for?!" Zero pouted and carefully caressed his cheek.

"Look at you! It's like you don't want to become a pilot anymore! Damn it. You're not the Zero I once knew!" Kizna let out a sigh.

"I'll be fine. I'll get the right grade for the test run." Forcing out a smile, Zero looked away.

"Right grade?! YOU'RE NOT ZERO!!! Zero's aspiring to get the HIGHEST grade!!!" Kizna banged both her hands on the table.

"Oh yeah. I am going to be the highest alright!" Zero showed a fake happy and energetic expression to Kizna.

'Calling all candidates...' The announcement went on.

"Look, Zero... Take care of yourself. This is no ordinary test run it's outside Zion... Too dangerous." Kizna worriedly eyed Zero.

"Uh-huh! I'll be fine!" Zero ran with his fake happy face on.

....

....

Zero walked to the Pro-Ing and stared at it for a few minutes. 'Please, help me. I might not be in the right state to perform a test run, but I need guidance.'

"Hey, 88." Instructor Azuma called out.

"Sir!"

"Are you sure you're going to push through this test run?"

"Am 100 sure, sir!"

Kizna could see Zero from afar. She saw Zero hiding his emotions from everyone.

"Hey, Kizna, is everything fixed?"

"Yeah." Kizna walked away. "Take care of yourself." She simply said as she continued to walk towards the control room.

"Hai hai!!!" Zero hopped in the Pro-Ing.

Hiead, on the other hand kept on observing Zero. By the time that he saw Zero smiling again, he felt relieved and somehow a lot more betrayed. He was thinking how Zero could easily recover from what had happened. It was now clear to him that Zero never loved him... that Zero just wanted to prove that he's better.

"You'll see, Zero Enna." Hiead slammed his fists over the Pro-Ing.

Ikhny hurriedly approached her partner. "Hiead, what's wrong?"

"Shut up and ready my pro-ing." Hiead hopped in fast.

Ikhny, with a disappointed look on her face proceeded to the control room.

The pro-ings were launched. Though, the mission was just to beat another pro-ing, the danger of encountering victims was still at high range. The candidates have to be extra careful of not getting too far from Zion or a victim may spot them.

Hiead didn't waste any of his time he beat up almost everyone on his way to find Zero.

Zero on the other hand didn't really fight any candidate; he blocked their attacks but didn't give any heavy blows to his opponents. Kizna ignored Zero's weird actions, what was important was he's safe.

'Victim spotted!' The alarm sounded again and again. Kizna got so nervous. "Zero!!! Get out of there!"

All of the other candidates obeyed orders and went back. Hiead though, was persistent of looking around for Zero.

"Hiead!!! Come back, please!" Ikhny called out almost pulling the speaker off.

Hiead ignored this. He stopped and viewed the place in search for Zero. Then he stopped when all of a sudden, a rush of memories came sliding into his mind. Hiead held his head in pain. The tension was killing him. The memories were of Zero and him. His stream of thoughts was so fast that he couldn't exactly recognize the details. All he knew was Zero was certainly a part of his sudden reminisce of events. But why was he thinking of such things? Something wrong is happening.

Hiead speeded up and ignored every sound coming from the speakers. He needed to see Zero. He needed to see him not because he wanted to prove that he's better but rather, he wanted to be sure that Zero was safe.

....

....

On the other hand, Zero stared blankly over the open distance in front of him. It was again, the sapphire layers and the twinkle of stars that cheered him up. Zero smiled and turned the speaker off. He was so out of his mind that he closed his eyes, not knowing that the danger of being killed by a victim draws near.

....

Kizna was called the instructor's attention. "Sir!!! There are two candidates left outside! We have to rescue them!"

"I know. The Pilots are about to launch in a few seconds." The instructor pretended that he calmed but deep down he was already worried about the two candidates.

....

'I love you, Hiead...' Zero opened his eyes. A victim stood in front of him. It was prepared to shoot him.

This was the time that Hiead spotted Zero.

"Zero!!!" Hiead couldn't hide his fear of losing Zero.

His attempt of saving Zero failed. Zero got hit before he could even shoot the victim. And at this time, the pilots came to rescue the two.

Back in GOA, was Zero who had been bleeding and unconscious. Hiead followed worriedly behind.

"I'm sorry, but you cannot come in." The woman warned Hiead.

He couldn't do anything now. All he had to do was wait and hope that Zero could be saved.

Hiead punched the wall several times. He blamed himself for what had happened to Zero. It was his fault why Zero was not in the mood for trainings... why Zero didn't get enough sleep or why Zero didn't want to eat. All these summed up to Zero's life being endangered. Closing his eyes, he remembered how Zero would happily handle things even though he was sad inside. He remembered Zero's smile over his problems. But the thing that brought distinct pain in Hiead's heart was reminiscing Zero's I love you's. Those words meant so much to him. That's because, those words were from the person he loved.

Finally, the lady came out telling Hiead that Zero's condition was secured. Hiead was relieved. He gently opened the door and looked at Zero. He was sleeping. Bandages covered his forehead and his chest. Ventilators were the ones to give life to him. Hiead felt hurt of seeing this. It was only in his memory that he could see Zero smile. The happy-go-lucky image of him disappeared. Zero was pale and somehow striving to catch his breath. Hiead's heart was stabbed little by little as he listened to Zero's breathing.

'I'm sorry, Zero...' He lightly touched Zero's hand that had tubes connected to it. He tried not to cry. To him, it was a sign of weakness. He had to be strong.

A slight movement came from Zero's hand. His eyes slowly opened. At first, he didn't recognize the person beside him. But on further observation, he did. "H...Hiead?"

Hiead looked up at Zero. His hands moved from the grasp of Zero's hand to his face. "I'm sorry, Zero."

"It's not your fault." Zero let out a short breath then continued, "I'm just such a loser."

"No. I am the loser. I shouldn't have—"

"Hiead, please..."

"It's the truth." Hiead admitted what he had done.

"Don't blame yourself..."

"I hate myself for hurting you. I've always watched you but I never thought I'd end up hurting you. I feel so sick of my self-centered thoughts. I feel stupid when I couldn't even tell you my feelings. I can't understand things and I can't understand myself. I'm the loser. Such a stupid loser."

"Don't say that... please. I made mistakes too. I admit, I did plan on fooling you... and I'm very sorry."

"..."

"I'm just afraid. So afraid that I might end up hurt again. I'm sorry if I thought of things that way."

"I know how you feel."

"Are you still..." Zero's hand was shivering but still, he was determined to hold the other's hand. "...Going to leave me?"  
  
Hiead kissed Zero in the cheek. "I don't know how to."  
  
"If you knew... would you?"  
  
"Listen... You taught me a lot of things... and I'm thankful."  
  
Zero's eyes were tearing up again. "Hiead..."

"You taught me how to love... But you never taught me how to let go. Thank you, Zero."

Zero stared at Hiead. He tried to stop his tears from falling but failed, eventually. "Thank you, Hiead. I love you so much."

Hiead wiped the tears of his lover's face flimsily with his fingers. "So I guess we can't do our fun for a couple of weeks, ne?" Hiead managed to tease the injured boy.

"You and your dirty mind!" He pulled off Hiead's hand from his face. "Ow. Damn!"

"Correction, very very very dirty mind." Hiead smirked.

"Gah! Do you even love me?!!" Zero went on with his cute pout.

"Correction..."

Zero waited for Hiead's abrupt alteration.

"I don't just love you. I love you so FUCKIN' much." Hiead's fingers ran frivolously over Zero's bandaged chest.

"Pervert!"

"Ahaha! Get well soon, or I'll do it you in your current condition."

Zero blushed and looked away. "Even with the cameras on?"

"Yeah, even with the cameras on."

"Even with the doors unlocked?"

"Uhuh, even with the doors unlocked."

"Naughty."

"So I guess another not so normal night would pass again, ne?"

"Not so normal yet so perfect, because I'm with you."

'I love you, Rei Enna.' Hiead thought to himself.

OWARI

AHAHAHA. That wasn't really much of a good ending, is it? But it's better than a tragic ending!!! Goodbye for now. Thanks for the reviews, y'all.


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